Things are looking...well not up..but they're contemplating it.

Firstly, got the rent in my wallet finally -thankgoddess- and the bulk of the power bill.

Second, MY HEAT IS FINALLY FIXED!! Found out that the cracks in the vents were not even the problem, matter of fact unless the cats that live under my house keep going at it trying to tear at the insulation, the cracks aren't even a factor. Its the filter, when I moved in there was this thick monstrous thing that resembled a plastic filter that had swollen...it was weird and green and the landlord said it was a washable filter..so I tried to wash it 3 times -.- and to no avail... it never came clean no matter how I scrubbed...it just filled the bathtub with weird hair like plastic sheddings -.- Anyway... he stopped by last night, scared the crap outta kress by knocking on the back door as he was walking by it XD and took a look at it, told me that the plastic filter of doom as I now call it, was the source of all my problems, he told me that no hot air was able to get to my vents at all -.-;;; wooooowwww thats soo wonderful...explains why my heat being on 70 would leave my house temp at 30 -.- So we threw the damned thing out and let the proper filter that had always stood underneath it do its job and within minutes my house temp jumped ALOT, it actually felt WARM! What a revelation...heat...warming up the house?...never heard of it.

Third..
I got clean clothes!! omg...finally clean sheets after 2 months -rolls in em- XD I even managed to remember my Pjs

Fourth
Blackberry Cobbler, I LOVE YOU. -cough- anyway... see when we were picking up groceries, kress walked me over to my torture aisle, aka ice cream, and told me I could either have a pint of Ben and Jerry's or a half gallon of reg ice cream, I chose one of my new favs, Strawberry Bunny Tracks, its got white choc bunnys!!! , so yea when we got to his place and put in the first load of laundry, we put in the GIANT thing of Blackberry Cobbler, seriously..it was bigger than those big box lasagnas, which explains it taking an hour and a half to bake...but BOY was it worth the wait
Hour and a Half later...
I was armed with a HUGE bowl of cobbler and ice cream melting on top and before you go 'but Jen what about watching your weight?' Shut.Up...NO SERIOUSLY...I only had a SMALL bowl of macaroni and alfredo ALL DAY I needed foooood and cobbler is food...no really and when I got home I actually ate real people food after two bowls of cobbler and ice cream at his house XD

Fifth (yes this is getting near the end )
Torchlight...oh how I love thee.... you addicting bastard child of Diablo, Fable 2 and WOW (no matter what kress says it DOES have bits of WOW in it) but anyways... I LOVE that game, it is beautifully done, the graphics knock you on your ASS, it plays wonderfully and its addicting! If you dont have it, download Steam (its free damnit!) and buy it, ITS 4$ DARNIT!) its amazing, you wont regret it, I promise. But anyway..I really did have a point besides saying I love the game. Well see, when I first loaded the game I was all "hmm...wonder if this is any good..." and was BLOWN AWAY I couldn't stop playing it, couldn't pry myself away, I started getting up early just to play, I was HOOKED I played it for roughly 10 hrs a day for 3 days STRAIGHT...yes..I got addicted..until that horrible moment...I got stuck in a WALL...yes...a wall -.-;; I tried out this 'constant fire' feature where you hold down the mouse button and it keeps firing at the opponent, next thing I know I couldn't walk away from the wall..WHYYYYY =.= but ANYWAY... I went online and contacted tech support (has mini foamy tech support momennt) and they emailed me a fix the next day, it was a thing where you run the settings file and change the console number so you basically get moved either back to town in my case or up a lvl in the dungeon...only problem, following THEYRE INSTRUCTIONS TO THE LETTER I went to run the game and "Game Executable Has Stopped Working" WHAAAAAAAT!!?! -sobs- horrible....why.... I immediatly replied and told them what had happened and then went to theyr're help forums and frantically searched for a similar problem and found one..with no solution... great..they know the problem but are as stumped as I am -.-; so after 3 days of no Torchlight -wow...its dark in here- *not my fault, kress made that joke* I got the fix last night when I was at kress's and this is after 3 times of uninstalling and reinstalling with desperate hopes that it would be fixed. He took a look and decided we should make sure the save files are intact, my thought was 'wait...the save files could have been lost?! Noeone told me that! So we checked and THANK GODDESS they were, so we backed em up and then removed every trace of Torchlight from my computer *insert darkness joke here* even the icon was removed..we were more thorough than the Grinch XD and then we reinstalled it, didn't work so he decided to try the fix himself now that it was reinstalled and found out that the mistake wasn't mine, it was the tech supports, they never mentioned that you have to open it in wordpad and save it with that and that if you delete the settings it would have resetted and fixed the problem -.-;; NOW YOU TELL ME so we got the game to run..but I'm still stuck in the wall -.-;; so then he tried the fix and after a few tries VOILA! I'm UNSTUCK!!! -does happy dance- after typing this novel gonna have to play some Torchlight XD

Also..sadly no jobs yet, but I have some new friends to keep me more sane..which is a good thing cause all this isolation has actually started to take a toll on my patience..or lately lack therof

and last but not least..I have to go to the unemployment office today -.-; theyre autophone filing thingy wont let me file til I visit the office and find out whats up they're butts.. -.-;


also. forgot to mention, gonna be starting commissions soon if anyone wants to help my income (please do D: )

Changes are coming like the colors of the leaves and the temperature. I am single now and feeling that holiday homesickness for my parents and two best friends...I truly miss them but no, I do not wish to move home...just wish I was able to see them once in a blue moon. not much of a journal at the moment, just can't collect my thoughts clearly enough right now.

Love to all those who I can lean on at times like this.

I'm falling..falling like a stone that is blended with a feather and still I am ok..

I don't know where my life is headed at the moment and though I have no licence I am at the wheel, plotting the course. Its odd, I'm a waitress at Waffle House and not even making 3 dollars an hour, and yet I have a beautiful 2 bed 1 bath home, it warms my heart that I can go home and scream at the very top of my lungs and Not A SOUL will say a thing. I love my freedome, but it does come at a price..I miss my family and HATE the fact that until I graduate driving school and get my licence, I am at the mercy of others to get to work. But still my life finds ways to suprise me, like the fact that my heart has finally gotten over my ex..for the most part and started to feel somthing other than longing for him. I have a new guy, he comes in to my waffle house for his lunch breaks every week and it warms and speeds up my heart every time I think of seeing his goofy smile or just his face..and yet through all these emotions I have no urge to kiss him or things like that..he just makes me feel safe...warm and almost..loved? I don't want to think to heavily or my head will explode..Its just nice to have a smile walk in during my shift every week. I just hope my heart doesn't fall for nothing. I'm afraid, confused and just trying to cling to each wave of sanity I can. But I can still smile...thats somthing I guess.. I owe my friends and family for each and EVERY smile. Thank you to everyone who takes 5 seconds to think of me in a fond way, I love each and every one of you.

I really don't know myself right now...I still love someone and am trying to let them go so they can be happy while trying to help myself have some semblance of a smile on my face instead of the mask I have been wearing..I'm tired of being alone...seeing my friends happy warms my heart its true but I wish I could smile with them once in a while...I guess I'l just have to settle for causing happiness for others instead of luxuriating in my own... at least I can take comfort in the fact that I do have friends who care...even though some don't always show it. I just hope my shattered heart can find some answers and a small bit of hope that can be a balm for the pain I feel. Because as much as I do feel pain when others are shed tears for me when I show my pain..I can't hide it much longer for it eats away at my soul and makes it hard to breathe.

At least I can take a small comfort in the happiness in those around me, between my mothers love and my fathers smile in handing out Christmas presents, to the thankful smile my pets and the animals I rescue give me when I feed them or give them love and attention. I just hope that soon I will have something all my own to smile about.